CRANKY OLD MAN

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . … lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he’ll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ’round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future … . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It’s jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I’m loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. …. . ME!!

Distant Obscurity

No matter who we are, or how rich we are, or how popular we become in our lives, in 1oo years we’ll be a distant obscurity.

The older I get the more I realize what I’ve learned from history was written by the concurers and probably never correct.

I watched the movie, Captain Philps, and it was a great movie but afterwards I read what the other crew members had said. The story was from his viewpoint and left out other parts as seen by the crew. In 100 years from now anyone who’d watch the old movie will think never have heard the other crew members and only watch the movie and assume everything was real and that is exactly the way it all happened.

Is this how we see Alexandar the Great, Ceasar, or Jesus himself. Most of those storys weren’t written until years after the event, and then by an historian of those people. It’s like me talking about my Dad, I only tell of the good things and skim over the not so good. I’ll also exagerate a little to make it a good story and to make him look good.

I’ve worked hard my entire life, making money and trying to be successful. In doing so I’ve made sacfifies. Mainly valuable time I could have spent with my sons. I think of the time I’ve had to work on holidays and wonder if it’s really worth it. I know people who live off welfare and don’t work and they spend a lot of time with their families. In the end are we going to look back at our lives and I envy them? This is one of my worries in life.

We all end up beside one another in the end. Rich man, poor man, hard worker, lazy bum, famous person, and us wonderers. In the end we’re all equal.

Here is a good poem, if it is:

Obscure Extremities

No Matter how deep, how far
our roots go,
they eventually taper off
buried in distant obcurity.

And no matter
how long we live
we also end up as
part of some from of eternity.

In between,
all we do is worry
constantly about
there obscrure extremitites.

A little slip…

nips

One of the coolest things about living in Florida is the women. We don’t have all the women but a lot of them come down to bathe in the sun. Here is one that I caught with a little slip-out. After I took the picture she just looked at me but still didn’t notice the nipple out until someone said something to her… but it was too late. I had already documented the nipple for posterity.  She may not be a 10 or anything but I GOT NIPPLE! LOL

Need Pictures of “Hobo Signs”

I’m gathering up some photos of “HOBO SIGNS”. If anyone can send these to me that would be greatly appreciated. Please send them to richard at cyberhobo dot com. Thanks in Advance for any help anyone can give. Take a piece of chalk and create some yourself.

hobo-signs21

Isn’t this System GREAT!

Everyone cracks on Hoboes when 47% of Americans are in worse shape that we are. A Hobo or CyberHobo “will work for food”. We’ll do odd jobs such as cutting lawns, raking, chopping firewood, etc. A true Hobo does not ask for FREE handouts, we don’t turn them down either. But in the election process it was brought out the 47% of Americans are dependent upon the government. Does that mean 47% of Americans are “Bums?”

A Hobo is a person that travels to work
A tramp is a person that travels and won’t work
A bum is a person that will neither travel or work!

I was in the store buying some lunch meat, cheese, and bread. While at the counter I made small talk with this older man. I was noticing this other drunk looking guy getting some subs made up. Boar’s Head meat and cheese, and had extra meat put on two of the sandwiches. They looked great too! We both finished at the same time, him getting his sandwiches and me my storebrand lunch meat, cheese, and I splurged on Bunny Bread. (life is good)

Coincidentally I got behind him in the checkout line. His totally with a large soda was $33.22. As he was complaining to the cashier on how much cigarettes were, he pulls out his EBT (food stamp) card. WTF… my family is eating store lunch meat because after working all week I can’t afford “Boar’s Head”. How is this possible? I work everyday, don’t smoke, can only have a few drinks a month, I eat soup and a PB&J everyday for my lunch (or leftovers), and buy a lot of my cloths from the Goodwill.  I was so discouraged I almost laid my stuff down and walked out. As I walked out the door I noticed he went into the liquor store next to the grocery. I had to walk past and look in to see what he was getting… yep, a carton of ciggs, and a 12 pack of Nature’s Best.

My total came to $12.70 and all I could think of is,  “WOW, I really need to quit my job and go on welfare and let the government take care of me..”

So the next time you see a Hobo asking to do odd jobs and their wearing ragged clothes, maybe a little dirty, remember he is not asking anything for free… and that puts him in the other 53%

Thomas Jefferson and John Adams Dies

On this day in 1826, former Presidents Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, who were once fellow Patriots and then adversaries, die on the same day within five hours of each other.

Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were the last surviving members of the original American revolutionaries who had stood up to the British empire and forged a new political system in the former colonies. However, while they both believed in democracy and life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, their opinions on how to achieve these ideals diverged over time.

Adams preceded Jefferson as president (1797-1800); it was during this time that their ideas about policy-making became as distinct as their personalities. The irascible and hot-tempered Adams was a firm believer in a strong centralized government, while the erudite and gentile Jefferson believed federal government should take a more hands-off approach and defer to individual states’ rights. As Adams’ vice president, Jefferson was so horrified by what he considered to be Adams’ abuse of the presidency–particularly his passage of the restrictive Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798–that he abandoned Adams and Washington for his estate at Monticello. There, he plotted how to bring his Republican faction back into power in the presidential election of 1800. After an exceptionally bitter campaign, in which both parties engaged in slanderous attacks on each other in print, Jefferson emerged victorious. It appeared the former friends would be eternal enemies.

After serving two presidential terms (1801-1809), Jefferson and Adams each expressed to third parties their respect the other and their desire to renew their friendship. Adams was the first to break the silence; he sent Jefferson a letter dated January 1, 1812, in which he wished Jefferson many happy new years to come. Jefferson responded with a note in which he fondly recalled when they were fellow laborers in the same cause. The former revolutionaries went on to resume their friendship over 14 years of correspondence during their golden years.

On July 4, 1826, at the age of 90, Adams lay on his deathbed while the country celebrated Independence Day. His last words were Thomas Jefferson still survives. He was mistaken: Jefferson had died five hours earlier at Monticello at the age of 82.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE TRAILER TRASH WHEN…

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.”

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this”.

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

TOP NINE SEX JOKES

# 9 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”

# 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. “What can I get you?” the bartender inquires. “I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,” responded the young man. “6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?” “Yeah, my first blowjob.” “Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.” “No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”

# 7 A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?” He coolly replies, “Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you.”

# 6 One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

# 5 Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. “What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked. “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?” “Oh, Bill, you didn’t.” “Yes, I did.” “My God, Bill, what happened?” “I got fired.” “No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?” “Oh…she got fired too.”

# 4 A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn’t want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened-to which the man replies: “She choked.”

# 3 A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.” The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try”. A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle”.

# 2 A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: “7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown” The small white guy faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. “What’s wrong?”. The small white guy says; “Excuse me but what did you say?”. The big black dude looks down and says “7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown.” The small white guy says, “Thank god, I thought you said ‘Turn around.'”

# 1 There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.’ “Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.” “I know,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.” “Well,” Granny snickered, “What do you say…should we get naked?” Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.” “I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!