Essential Elements of a Cardboard Sign
Okay, you got your corner or median in a Hwy, now you need a gimmic. What you write on your sign will determine if you fall asleep sober or pass out drunk. Every sign should have at least three of the following six prime elements:
Patriotism: A crudely drawn American flag works wonders. If you are a war veteran, state that you are a war veteran. If you are not a war veteran, state that you are a war veteran.
Industry: “Will Work For Food!” It still works! If they actually offer you work, you can just tell them, “It’s a just a manner of speaking, you idiot.”
Honesty: Though the “Why Lie, I Want Some Beer” has been thoroughly played out lately, it is still reasonably effective around college campuses.
Pitifulness: Load up on these hot-button topics— Homelessness, Unemployment, Got Medical Bills, Done Busted My Arm, My Whore of a Wife Cashed My Disability Check and the clincher, Trickle Down Economics, My Ass! I Got Peed On!
Groveling: Throw in plenty of Pleases and Thank Yous. It’s like Lord Byron said, “If you can’t be kind in speech, be sublime in print.”
Religion: Always finish up with a “God Bless You!” With extra exclamation points for effect. And don’t forget to misspell about half the words, so they’ll think, “No wonder this dumb sonuvabitch can’t get a job. He misspelled socioeconomics and recalcitrant.! I’m going to wing a quarter at him!”
by,
RubberTramp
posted by CyberHobo